Dear Healthcare Proxy (child over age 18),
When I'm transporting your parent for a dislodged PEG tube for the third time this month, I want you to know that this is not normal. I want you to sit down and discuss things with your parent. Deciding to set up a MOLST form (the NY State version of DNR/DNI) is not an easy conversation.
I am aware that your parent has expressive aphasia and hemiparesis from the stroke. But I want you to know that your parent is completely alert and oriented, and that we have very pleasant discussions (even if I do most of the talking and they make faces and squeeze my hand in reply).
I know you may not want to hear this. The MOLST form probably wasn't set up earlier because you had no reason to expect the stroke.
But I also know that transporting your parent to and from the hospital nearly every week is not a fun experience for anyone. Your parent is perfectly aware of their actions. Your parent is perfectly aware of their quality of life in a nursing home. And your parent has taken the situation into their own hands.
You can't change that reality by upping their dosage of anti-depressants.
Put on your grown-up pants and do your parent the biggest favor they'll ever ask from you.