To the idiot in the Jeep in front of me on the highway this afternoon:
1. We were in the middle of a monsoon.
2. We were doing more than 40 mph.
3. One of your headlights was out.
4. You were texting and driving. I could see your phone.
5. You were swerving into the other north bound lane AND the oncoming south bound lane.
6. I was playing this really fun game called preemptive triage via possible mechanism of injury.
7. I realized I only have one oxygen tank in my truck. Somebody (or -bodies) would've been SOL.
8. The game got even more fun when I started keeping my foot over my brake and looking at ideal places for you to crash based on room for staging areas.
9. During that really awesome drift/swerve where you were almost entirely in the south bound lane, I concluded that I didn't want to get out of my truck in the rain.
10. Thank you very much for getting back in your lane and putting away your phone after I leaned on my horn and flashed my brights.
By the way, I really liked the 'oh shit' expression on your face when you realized you were on the wrong side of the road. And the followup expression when you looked in your rearview and saw that I was wearing a blue uniform jacket and aviators.
Because if you hadn't put away your phone, your license plate number and vehicle description were 2 seconds away from being broadcast over 9-1-1 dispatch.
PS: I hope you got home and hugged your family.
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