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Wednesday, April 7, 2010

St. Vincent's

Now, ladies and gents, for something near and dear to my heart.

St. Vincent's Hospital Manhattan To Close - NYT

A little over twenty-one years ago, I was born in that hospital. I spent twenty seven hours torturing my parents by deciding I didn't particularly want to come out on their schedule, and the doctors finally concluded I was just too damn big and would have to be cut out. I spent the first three days of my life terrorizing the nurses, demonstrating my superior lung capabilities while the rest of the nursery was sleeping, and being so big and fuzzy that I was repeatedly mistaken for a boy.* My parents were actually asked on one occasion if they needed their son circumcised.

That's right, I was a nine pound twenty one inch monstrosity with a full head of hair. And I knew exactly what I wanted and when I wanted it. I suppose I was enjoying the only moment in my life during which I would tower over my peers. I would proceed to be the smallest person in my class for decades to come. Same temperament, though. And the lungs still work, though I have some crazy asthmatic issues from growing up in a filthy apartment above a pair of drug dealers who always were smoking something illegal.

But back to St. Vincent's.

They're shutting down a Level 1 trauma center in the middle of lower Manhattan. St. Vincent's even had their own totally awesome ambulance unit. Yes, NYU and Bellevue are both Level 1 trauma centers, and they're only a couple of minutes away. The world's not going to end. It's just going to be missing a hospital that's been around for one hundred and sixty something years. You know, one of the hospitals that treated Titanic survivors. More importantly, the place where I was born. (You think they'd want to keep it around, so they can make it a landmark when I become famous. Seriously, think ahead, people.)

I guess not even big donors could fix years of mismanagement and $700 million in debt. There's not much profit in charity work.

Dear healthcare system, you can has be fix now?

*Note: This has no relation to the fact that I secretly am a twelve year old boy. Particularly around super-gross stuff. :)

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